aseaofquotes:

Samantha Schutz, You Are Not Here

aseaofquotes:

Samantha Schutz, You Are Not Here

4 hours ago 2,647 notes   aseaofquotes /reblog
  1. KID : mommy, i cant sleep, there's a monster under my bed
  2. MOM : that's silly, theres no such thing as mo- OH GOD ITS TEARING MY ARM! Just kidding, he only eats kids, goodnight!

avenqcrs:

hey you

yes you

is today your first day of school? tomorrow? or maybe it’s your 50th day of school?

either way

youre looking great

you are going to rock this

i believe in you

youre gonna knock em out of the park, champ

best wishes, 

me

4 hours ago 141,702 notes   spotsconlon © avenqcrs /reblog

drinklust:

once i got very drunk in a bar and my mum had to pick me up so i was trying to act normal by keeping the conversation so i asked her if shes a virgin and she looked at me with pain in her eyes and said “i wish i was”

Oh my, events move so swiftly. It’s hard for a simple woman like me to keep up. But something tells me that one day soon I will be able to say what every mother wants to say—my son, the king.
pippin

aprithot:

YEAH NO SHIT HONEY

12 hours ago 13,818 notes   bonkalore © aprithot /reblog

grushenkasvetlov:

i think charlie day and mac were right and everyone needs to start saying jabroni more often

Burn Gorman’s ALS Ice Bucket Challenge [x]