Samantha Schutz, You Are Not Here
is today your first day of school? tomorrow? or maybe it’s your 50th day of school?
youre looking great
you are going to rock this
i believe in you
youre gonna knock em out of the park, champ
once i got very drunk in a bar and my mum had to pick me up so i was trying to act normal by keeping the conversation so i asked her if shes a virgin and she looked at me with pain in her eyes and said “i wish i was”
Oh my, events move so swiftly. It’s hard for a simple woman like me to keep up. But something tells me that one day soon I will be able to say what every mother wants to say—my son, the king.
YEAH NO SHIT HONEY
i think charlie day and mac were right and everyone needs to start saying jabroni more often